The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow —
Commentary by Larry Schweikart
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) The Mensa Club member occupying the vice presidency said that the issue of transportation is “fundamentally about just making sure people have the ability to get where they need to go.”
-My God! Surely she has solved time travel and photon power by now!
2) Allan Lichtman, who correctly predicted every presidential election since 1984 except 2000 says Trump IS the “new mainstream” in the GOP and no one can beat him. Moreover—and I like the sound of this—he said the GOP is “never going back to the party of Paul Ryan, Karl Rove, and Jeb Bush” and said Ron DeSantis was an “abysmal candidate.”
3) And the latest demonic attempt to utterly destroy America’s armed forces, Rutabaga opposes merit-based military promotions in favor of race quotas, just after the USSC struck down such quotas.
-May these people burn forever in the hottest fires of hell.
4) The “Wise Latina” Sonia Sotomayor had her staff prodding colleges and libraries to buy her books.
5) Governor Ron DeSantis said he wouldn’t be Trump’s running mate. “I’m not a No. 2 guy.”
-Well, Gov, according to the polls, you’re not a No.1 guy, and I don’t recall President Trump askin’. I recall a wise old man once told me never turn down a job you don’t have.
6) Lawmakers say H&R Block shared taxpayer data with Meta. (“Meta” means death in Hebrew).
7) Ron DeSantis positions himself as the next Ronald Reagan.
-Governor, I wrote a book about Ronald Reagan. I did a White House event for Ronald Reagan. You’re no Ronald Reagan.
8) Kollyfornia wants to turn toilet wastewater into drinking water.
Sort of their attempt at turning chicken . . . well, you know.
https://www.dailyfetched.com/california-proposes-turning-toilet-wastewater-into-drinking-water/
9) Meanwhile, a key Kollyfornia assembly committee blocked a bill to make child trafficking a “serious felony.”
-Too many of their Hollywood buddies involved?
10) The newest Twitter files show that the company “immediately” took down accounts the FascistBI requested without so much as an investigation into false charges.
11) In the battle of the private space pioneers, Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket engine exploded during takeoff, leaving Richard Branson and Elon Musk in the lead.
12) Senator Tommy Tuberville is holding firm blocking over 200 military promotions until the Pentagon ends its pro-abortion position. DemoKKKrats and military spoobemuffins whine.
-Good on ya, Senator.
13) A top Ford exec was arrested after trying to set fire to two of his wife’s $10,000 Hermes purses with a butane torch, then he buttheaded her and hit her with a Google Nest Hub device.
14) The other half of PsychoJoe and Yoko, Mika Brzezinski, has blamed Rutabaga’s staff for . . . wait for it . . . making him look old.
-No, you incessant chodewarbling laddersnatching phlegmdripping diluted biddlepouch fungalstrainer. HE. IS. OLD. And demented and senile and flat-out mean.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
15) Costco appears to have handed Bud Light a “Death Star,” meaning “*no restock.”
16) U.S. consumers drink more orange juice from Brazil than ever.
17) ExxonMobil sees LNG as a growth business into the future.
18) Waiting for buyers to come: electric vehicles are piling up in car dealerships.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
19) A French politician stated the obvious, that all the rioters had immigrant backgrounds.
-Guess what he was accused of?
20) Rutabaga has pledged “Israel-style” security guarantees to Green Screen Zelensky.
-So Ukrainians are now the Chosen People? My Bible must be really out of date.
21) A Spanish leader, Teresa Ribera, pulled a Buttplugs when she went for a fake bike ride at a climate conference after taking a private jet to the event, riding in a motorcade, only to get out and bike a short distance.
22) The Russkie Defense Minister claims the Ukes lost 26,000 soldiers and 3,000 military vehicles in the failed counteroffensive. Meanwhile, Rutabaga assured the Ukes we will fight to the last Ukrainian.
23) Thousands of protestors showed up to force the cancellation of the so-called “pride” event in Tbilisi.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
24) Britney Spears’ memoir, “The Woman in Me,” is already number one on Amazon three months before publication.
-And here I thought this was Dylan Mulvaney’s book.
25) Astounding. After a $3m Tuesday night, “Sound of Freedom” again led all movies at the box office for two nights in a row and nearly reached $50 million, making it $400 million more profitable than “Indiana Jones and the Adult Diapers of the Acropolis.”
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
26) Were 1/3 of the Pfizer shots in the EU placebos?
AND FINALLY...
27) And finally, the stepson of the billionaire killed on the Titan sub complains about not being able to “get laid” despite his inheritance.
-This dweezel looks like Ed Sheeran and Bill O’Reilly had a baby. Trust me, if you go to the link, you’re better off with the “Everyone Wants a Cougar” story.
AND THAT'S TODAY'S NEWS
- Larry Schweikart
- Rock drummer
- Filmmaker
- NYTimes #1 bestselling author
- Political pundit
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