This personal side quest has been an incredible journey for me—one of the most rewarding in my life. I have studied many things that most people would consider "taboo, " such as hundreds of near-death experiences, UFOs, and our connection to God, among just a few. I've studied how our thoughts impact the world around us and learned through all of this just how powerful we really are. I think I have figured out my purpose here. I've been meditating and praying in a dedicated fashion for many years.
That practice kicked up several notches as my physical body started getting much healthier, and I began to realize there is more to it than the physical world we see around us daily. If you are in this world of study, it is inevitable that at some point you will come across Bob Monroe. I'll give you the 30k foot view.
Bob Monroe was a radio mogul who started having "out-of-body" experiences randomly. He was terrified at first and thought there was something wrong with him, but after several years of seeing medical doctors, they told him he was fine. He wasn't sick, and he wasn't crazy. So, what was it? Well, he founded the Monroe Institute to try to figure it out. His experiences are documented in a few books. He discovered binaural beats and realized he could use sound to entrain the brain into certain wave frequencies. He started trying to duplicate his random experiences in a more dedicated manner, using binaural beats to sync the two hemispheres of the brain and allow focused exploration of human consciousness. His testing and study worked. Again, with a 30k-foot view, the people who came into work with the institute could replicate what he experienced.
He patented what he discovered and called it "hemi-sync." The program he engineered was called "Gateway." It explored different levels of human consciousness—when people are in deep, meditative states, they can experience things that they can't experience otherwise. The US government was super interested in this, for their own reasons, and the full Gateway report was declassified a bit ago. Still, I worked with various forms of this program for several years before the report was released.
But I wanted the experience in person, in the mountains, at the Monroe Institute, with their certified trainers. Truthfully, I didn't know what I would experience, but this light inside me got super bright whenever I thought about it. I booked myself. I went. I am about to share some very personal stuff with you right now. Still, I am doing it because I wholeheartedly believe that every single human being on this planet DESERVES to know what I know and have experienced for myself.
This is the program I had the pleasure of completing. It includes a week of room and board, as well as meals. You are there for six nights and seven days.
When you arrive at the absolutely stunning compound, you check in and are brought to your room, which you share with another participant. I went alone, so I would have a roommate I had never met before. I silently wished that I could have the room to myself. This plays a key role later, so I am mentioning it. The rooms are nice—they have a nice bathroom, a comfortable bed, and a cozy window seat overlooking the mountains. But your bed isn't just a bed. It's got blackout curtains and is almost like a little cubby. There are top-of-the-line speakers on each side of you and a pair of Shure headphones with a control panel.
You get settled and then walk a short distance to the main house. There's a kitchen, a cozy living room, a conference room, and a dining room. You wait and meet your other participants there, usually 20 in total. You get to know your trainers and chat. I didn't want to mention work at all. I just wanted this to be a "me" trip, so as everyone talked about their jobs, I quietly observed. The trainers interview you one-on-one to learn your purpose for being there, and then, that evening, the program begins.
The program teaches you how to move through certain "focus levels" of consciousness through deep relaxation. Of course, they train you using audio, but the goal is to be able to move through these levels of consciousness on your own. The trainers tell you that the point is to be "mind awake/body asleep," almost as though you are JUST about to fall asleep but still conscious. Your body is supposed to be sleeping, but the audio helps you stay consciously awake in your brain while the rest of you sleeps. We were set to explore four different focus levels in the program: Focus 10, Focus 12, Focus 15, and Focus 21. I was having a wonderful experience with the training, but I found that my body was freely moving around while I was in the midst of these meditations. I could scratch an itch, adjust my position, etc. I thought I was doing it wrong. Basically, it was about 6-8 hours of meditation each day. We got to know the members of our group in group sessions after each meditation, where we discussed what happened during and whether we were comfortable doing so. A lot of things happened for me.
Focus level 10 was eye-opening for me. Many things I thought I had resolved before reared their ugly heads during it. It was probably my least favorite of them at the time, but since coming home, it's made a world of difference. I explored memories I had forgotten, spent a lot of time thinking about my childhood and teenage years—it was almost like, through these, I was watching myself in a movie, experiencing everyone in my life's reaction to things and how they felt about them. Believe it or not, I am not one to journal, but I filled half a journal on this trip. Since coming home, I revisit my thoughts immediately afterward and use these thoughts to remind myself of the work I still need to do. Three sessions of Focus 10, body awake, mind awake, have been really helpful. My experience was unique at this level. People told stories about magical things happening in their Focus 10. Mine was a journey of introspection.
I experienced a lot of pain during this level, shed many tears, and went on many quiet walks afterward. I retreated inward and didn't spend much time with my group. I just really wanted to be alone because when you think you've "gotten past that" and realize that somewhere in your subconscious, you have not "gotten past that," it throws you for a hell of a loop.
Then came Focus 12: hands down, my absolute FAVORITE of the levels. You spend a lot of time in each level and can feel a "switch" between them. It just feels different, and I know that is hard to explain. Focus 12 is for "expanded awareness," and there sure is. Still, body awake, mind awake, I had all sorts of amazing experiences in Focus 12. I got ideas for work, serious introspection about my joys and fears, and why those fears manifest themselves, sparks of creativity, and pure passion—all of this reminded me of something. Focus 12 is EXACTLY how I feel when I am doing my podcast or writing something emotional or important. It is the level at which I spend a lot of my time. It's where I feel most at home. When I was able to equate the feeling of 12 to a podcast, I asked my trainers if it was possible to be in Focus 12 and still fully function like nothing else was happening.
Yes - yes it is. It is absolutely possible to be walking around among everyone with a solid Focus 12, and I do this very often. I sit quietly, pray and talk to God, and then get on my way, with a solid focus on 12. Whenever I do anything that lends value to the world, I am in Focus 12. Whenever I sit and write, sing, spend time with my kids, or cuddle with my husband, I am in Focus 12. It's the best thing ever, and I have now started using the app to play 12 in the background whenever I have something significant to do. It is life-changing to know this. It is amazing.
Next was the most beautiful experience I have ever had. Focus 15. Now, I was mind awake/body asleep. I had the distinct feeling of my body being just, for lack of a better word, heavy, but I was fully conscious in my mind. I got close to falling asleep a few times, but didn't.
After each of our sessions, everyone told stories of really psychedelic things happening for them—these things didn't happen for me. Mine was more a journey of learning myself, learning what it feels like to explore different areas of thinking/being that I hadn't before—learning how to pray with more intention, learning how to feel pure love inside for no reason at all.
Then, between 15 and the training for 21, they threw in a curveball. They cut the sound. Completely. It was silence like I have never, ever, experienced before in my entire life. All I could hear was my heartbeat in my ears and my breathing—nothing else. It was scary for a moment, but then I sort of just let go. When I did, I had the most amazing experience I have ever had in my entire life. This was why I came to Monroe.
Stillness. Oneness. Words that fail even to come close to encapsulating what I felt. There were no thoughts, and all of the thoughts you could ever imagine having, all at once. I felt like I was a part of literally everything that ever was or ever could be. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced in my entire life, hands down. It felt like it wasn't real, but it was. It lasted for quite some time. It was like I understood everything there was to understand all at once. I had this distinct feeling of realizing that all of this petty nonsense we deal with in our daily lives, the squabbling, the anger, the fighting, the bickering, the hate, the division -- It was all just that. It was meaningless in the grand scheme of all that is - a waste of time. It meant NOTHING. It wastes energy because you do not realize what is available to you at any moment.
And what is available to you at any given moment is LOVE. I felt so much love that I couldn't use words to explain it. It is impossible to use human words to describe what I felt lying in that bed with that silence in that moment. Love was all I felt, a love and a knowing that not only was God real, but He was EVERYWHERE. ALL of the time. There isn't ever a moment when He isn't right there. It encapsulated it all for me in that moment—in a flash that I can't explain to anyone and probably makes me sound crazy.
I felt water on my cheeks, and realized I was SOBBING. Very, very different for me. I don't randomly cry. I was sobbing uncontrollably - just overwhelmed with all of it. The meditation ended, and I furiously and feverishly began writing. I wrote PAGES about what I felt because I wanted to be able to return to it whenever I wanted in the future and never, ever forget that experience.
In that moment, I KNEW that we are absolutely not just bodies walking around here on earth. We are beautiful souls—we are all connected—all of us. We are all part of a beautiful creator and here to walk in LOVE. I had always "known" that we were spiritual beings having a human experience, but this was more than "knowing." It was a KNOWING. But we forget. It put so much in perspective for me. I wish that EVERYONE could realize what I did in that short time of meditation that day. It would change the world overnight.
The rest of the program was magnificent. We did an outdoor walking meditation and had a day of silence, where we were alone with our thoughts. Even typing this now, I feel like I am failing to encapsulate what happened to the 19 people at the Monroe Institute. You are with all of these amazing people from all different walks of life for a week straight, 24 hours a day. There were people from various backgrounds, political persuasions, etc - it didn't matter. We were all on this journey together, and everyone was taking something different from it.
So, here you are high up in the mountains meditating for an entire week, talking about positivity, human consciousness, learning the science behind it all, etc.. You don't realize it, but your energy is NOT what it is like when you are home, paying bills, watching the news, and arguing on social media. The day before you leave, the trainers tell you - you MUST ground yourself. Stand outside barefoot in the grass for 15-20 minutes, touch the massive quartz rock outside, splash cold water on your face, do something - because you leave there sort of like a space cadet. For example, people miss their flights. One dude brought his luggage to the airport but forgot to put any clothes in it—and I didn't realize it, but driving down those winding mountains while your consciousness has been up in the stars for a straight week FEELS WEIRD.
To demonstrate how this frequency changes your interaction with the world, on the way home, I stopped at a VERY busy rest stop. There were probably 50 people milling about the store. I had to pee. I went walking through crowds to get on line, and a little boy came RUNNING towards me from way across the room. I looked behind me to move out of the way, thinking he was running to his mama. Nope, he was running STRAIGHT to me. He ran up to me, smiling ear to ear, said "HI!" and gave me a GIANT hug!! I was blown away. I saw his mom chasing after him, profusely apologizing to me for what she perceived as an inconvenience. To me, it was a recognition. He saw me out of all those people because of the energy *I* was giving off. It was magical.
And then there were the "synchronicities." Now, remember, you aren't at some resort in the Bahamas; you are at the Monroe Institute for a meditation training program meant to explore human consciousness. There are only twenty people there who also randomly decided to book that week. My roommate wasn't supposed to be my roommate. My "roommate" had to cancel at the last minute. I would have been alone in that room, just like I said earlier. But, alas, my roommate had been listening to the Telepathy Tapes and randomly went down a consciousness rabbit hole. She found Monroe through a series of podcasts and went to the site to book, but they were booked up for a year. She put herself on a waiting list, got the call, and booked her flight all within 24 hours. She walked into the room late, carrying a bag from... Snake River Farms.
Snake River Farms is the ranch that my husband and I get our food from most of the time. It isn't some well-known ranch. They ship their meat in these really heavy-duty freezer bags. I use them to travel and keep my electronics in. So did she. Before we could really get into pleasantries, I pulled MY Snake River Farms bag out of the closet. We both just looked at each other. "Are you a carnivore?" I said. Indeed, she was. She was a carnivore. She was from Spain and had gotten married over the past year or so. She was just a really awesome chick.
We spent a fair amount of time chatting, and it was RIGHT before we were about to leave when she told me this story. She told me that she was anti-vax. Now, remember, I wasn't sharing a lot about my career - I wanted to be agnostic, but this lit me up a bit. She told me that when she was trying to get her green card, they were attempting to force vaccinate her, and she refused them and left. She told me she didn't get informed consent, and it was a hellish experience, and her attorneys didn't know what they were doing to help her, nor did they care.
So, she set out to find an attorney who would help her navigate this. She said in no uncertain terms that she’d head back to Spain if she wasn’t able to get past it. And she’s telling me this long story, and she says, “and finally - I found one! In NY.” And I just looked at her and said, “Was it Aaron Siri?” And she said … “Holy crap, how could you know that?!” Her attorney was from Aaron Siri’s firm. If you know me, you know why that’s absolutely incredible. I write for The HighWire and know Aaron Siri pretty well. I’ve interviewed him a few times. Remember, she knows NOTHING about what I do for a living.
There was more, too. Another couple who lived in Florida was there. They casually mentioned they had a home in a particular smaller beach town. Well, I happened to have a friend from NY who I helped to establish a business in that small beach town, and I said: "Do you know (insert friend's name)?" Of COURSE they knew her!! They frequent her business often—a smaller wink, but a wink nonetheless. But everyone there was connected in some way before they went, and more connected after they left.
I didn't go to Monroe expecting to have an OBE. I went to see what was really possible for consciousness and spirituality in a focused environment with no distractions. I went to learn more about myself and my heart. I went to learn how to pray more closely to God. I went to experience more, to challenge myself, to better myself.
I left having done all of that and so much more. Since returning, I have continued to work through this particular program. I haven't shared my entire experience because the thread would be too long. I saved up for a long, long time to be able to treat myself to a week of just ME.
After this experience, I know one thing for certain: We are more than our physical bodies. The powers that be have done a damned good job convincing us that we are basic, lowly beings without the ability to connect to God and experience amazing things. We are not just listless vessels traversing the planet. We all have purpose, meaning, and a reason for being here. We are ALL connected, even though it seems like we are not, and as I have been saying, the KEY to remembering this- the truth of who we really are and what we are capable of - is getting HEALTHY again. Healthy in body, healthy in mind, and healthy in spirit. It's to stop letting other people control your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. It's to reclaim all that. To pray more. To walk and act in love, as much as possible, and the mere essence of that sends ripples across the entire planet. We are here for more than just what we have been made to believe we are here for. I have experienced things that prove that to me. I have never been closer to God or more WHOLE than I am today. I encourage everyone to try to spend more time in silence, stillness, and with their thoughts. Learn to meditate. Learn to quiet your mind. Learn to connect to YOUR SOUL again. Take the time.
And a huge thank you to the team at Monroe. It was one of the most impactful experiences of my life, and I will NEVER forget it. They are doing work to actually try to figure it all out. The scientific research backing everything I have told you today is mind-blowing. We have soooo much more to learn, and I am just blessed that I am here now, in this time, under these circumstances, to witness this as it all unfolds.
PS—We also spent about two hours talking with Joseph McMoneagle, the best remote viewer in the world. After all of his time and experiences here, he was able to sum up our purpose pretty succinctly in our talk. "Why are we here, Joe? Why?" Joe: The answer is simple: to love.
