The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow —
Commentary by Larry Schweikart
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) President Trump said he expected to be indicted and arrested in the Feds’ January 6 Patriot Day investigation.
2) Threatening to leave the party: Several lunatic DemoKKKrats posing as Republicans —MurCowSki, Minion Romney, Cornyn-hole, Young, and Thune may also.
-Well, bye. Seriously, we need an alignment so that these DemoKKKrats can stop posing as Republicans. Many would lose elections as DemoKKKrats in their states, and we’d be done with them.
3) Reductions in pro-active policing (i.e., the “Minneapolis Effect”) account for higher homicide rates.
4) . . . while crime on the metro busses and light rail in New Mogadishu (Minneapolis) is up 66%.
5) And at the University of Michigan, a “police-free campus” project has started to “disrupt and dismantle the carceral university” as shootings and sex crimes plague the school.
-Well, this is a good way to accomplish my objective of tearing all these sick cow universities down.
6) Barely 20% of voters think Affirmative Action has been successful.
7) Yet New Kabul is giving black and Hispanic people who failed the teacher’s test a $1.8 billion settlement because it’s “racist.”
8) The new mayor of Benghazi-by-the-Lake has produced a transition memo that shows it will be obsessed with transoidism, pronouns, reparations, and strengthening the “sanctuary city” policies. Seriously.
9) The insane enviro-extremist ferret Paul Krugman, who is NEVER right, has now demanded we politicize weather.
10) The Rutabaga’s crime family owned over 20 shell companies to hide payments and launder money.
-Only 20?
11) Inevitable: Massachusetts is calling on residents to take illegal criminal border crossers into their homes.
-Next will come the mandates.
12) Illinois’ Supreme Court has paved the way for the elimination of cash bail on felonies.
13) Ron DeSantis says that, unlike Michelle Obama, he’ll keep his hands off school lunches.
-Wait, Michelle Obama was in school lunches??
14) Pathetic ASAP Hutchinson blames Trump, not his own useless ideas, for his dwindling support and for getting mercilessly booed at the GOP youth event.
15) Shocking street pictures from Kinshasa-on-the-Delaware (Philadelphia) as zombified people stand buckled over during a street tour by Vivek Ramaswamy.
IN CULTURAL NEWS
16) Sam Houston State University in Texas is offering a course in “victim’s studies.”
-Maybe start with whites who are being beaten and shot in hellhole cities?
17) New data shows an unprecedented flight of parents and families from big cities, leading to plunging enrollments in the public cesspools known as schools.
-Combine that with the flight to homeschooling, which doubled last year. Hasta lumbago.
18) Wendi Mahoney reports that “Kooth,” a mental health app—not to be confused with “the coof”—for the state of Kollyfornia, is riddled with transoid virtue signaling.
19) This should be cause for concern: Silicon Valley moneymen buzzing about RFK, Jr. Cuz, you know, those Silicon Valley people just love ‘Merica so much.
20) Michigan’s AG has charged 16 alternate electors for felonies related to election law. The evil is on the march. Total Hitlerian.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
21) The rejection rate for credit applicants has hit the highest level since 2018.
22) “Big” price cuts to the Ford electric truck see its starting price bumped to “only” $50,000.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
23) The Russkies have terminated the Black Sea grain deal after the attack on the Crimean Bridge.
24) A German MP vows to “bring down” the WHO’s grip on governments. Good on ya.
25) Green Screen Zelensky admitted the Uke offensive had to be paused due to casualties.
26) Denmark, the world’s “second happiest country,” has a very high rate of mental health disorders.
-Maybe the cheese?
27) According to the Russkies—who now, we must admit, are every bit as reliable as our own Hoax News—the Pentagon wanted to test unregistered medicines on Africans.
IN INTERGALACTIC NEWS
28) The White House reports that UFOs are having “an impact on our training ranges” and need to be treated as a “legitimate issue.”
29) Looks like the “mysterious object” that washed up on an Australian beach is a rocket motor from an Indian rocket.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
30) “Sound of Freedom” finally slowed down a tad. It still came in second behind “Mission Impossible,” but it’s now just short of $86m
31) Disney’s CEO Bob Iger says the “challenges are greater than I had anticipated.”
-But he won’t admit that any of those challenges is the company’s groomer image, woke garbage movies, or incredibly high park prices.
32) The Hotties are having trouble staying in relationships. First, it was Ariana Grande dumping Dalton Gomez, and now Sofia Vergara splits from Joe Manganiello cuz he was sober and she preferred drunk. How’s a guy to keep a girl?
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
33) The CDC is blind to all adverse effects of the China Virus vaxxes.
AND FINALLY...
34) And finally, we knew affirmative action was lowering standards, but this Colorado man filmed his doctor looking at a youtube tutorial on how to do his medical procedure.
-I hope it was in English.
AND THAT'S TODAY'S NEWS
- Larry Schweikart
- Rock drummer
- Filmmaker
- NYTimes #1 bestselling author
- Political pundit
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