The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow —
Commentary by Larry Schweikart
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) Senator Charles (The Lawnmower) Grassley says there are audiotapes proving Rutabaga took $5 million in bribes.
-So what? Grand Moff Garland will never, ever indict Rutabaga.
https://thenationalpulse.com/2023/06/12/watch-senator-says-theres-audio-recordings-proving-joe-and-hunter-biden-took-bribes/
2) President Trump’s primary lead, according to the latest pollster, appears “insurmountable” and DeSantis drops to under 20%. (Trump over 55%)
3) If there is a trial and it’s not thrown out by the judge, the Trump trial would be after the 2024 election.
4) Ron DeSantis attacks Trump’s SCOTUS picks, who have been astoundingly good. (I’d say A- level).
5) DeSantis to attend a fundraiser with Wall Street execs, including a former Soros partner. Nothing to see here folks. Move along.
6) JPMorgan will pay $290 million to settle the Jeffrey (he-didn’t-kill-himself) Epstein accusers case in the largest civil sex-trafficking judgment ever.
7) Protestant denominations are in free fall. The decline is really bad in the Southern Baptist Convention, and when you measure against where they should be if they had kept growing? Yikes.
8) Kollyfornia Governor Gavin Newsom admits his state has “not made progress” on homelessness and “we own this.”
-Actually, dude, you made it much worse.
9) A transoid male placed first in a women’s bike competition in North Carolina.
https://reduxx.info/breaking-trans-identified-male-places-first-in-womens-category-at-belgian-waffle-ride-north-carolina/[/embed]
10) “Climate Change” is a new form of paganism.
-Yep. All of it—the transoid stuff, the declining birth rates, the maskies–all designed to eliminate humans, God’s greatest creation.
11) Well, this is how you do it: DemoKKKrats in Minnesota passed a raft of prog legislation with a 1 seat majority.
-You don’t reach across the aisle unless it is to slap the other party.
12) This may get bloody. Trump warns he will appoint a real special prosecutor to go after the Rutababa Crime Family.
-Don’t stop there, Pres, get Cankles and her slimy hubby as well. Make them all die in prison.
13) Hospitals in the nation’s largest Catholic healthcare system perform transoid surgeries.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
14) The Fats lash out at the airlines: “we’re paying twice for the same experience.”
-No, chubweasel, you’re PAYING for the airplane to tote your bloated buffet-riddled body to another location. Weight=money, my biscuit-challenged friend.
15) In Groomer City (SF), the hotel industry prepares for three more hotels to sell at foreclosure. Revenue down 23% from 2019.
16) The Great China Virus Money Scam as $420 Billion in virus aid was lost through “fraud and abuse.
17) New Kabul is named the billionaire capital of the world, housing 136 uberwealthy, although the number has dropped recently.
-I think these guys should have to do community service by sheltering illegal criminals in their multi-room apartment mansions, right? I mean, they voted for it.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
18) Increasingly the word is getting out that the media was used as pawns and useful idiots in the China Virus scare. The BBC admits to doing “what the gubment wanted.”
19) Again, the Hoax news media is prepping everyone for the Uke defeat: “Russia’s improved weaponry and tactics pose challenges to Ukraine’s counteroffensive.”
-Wait, what? Just a month ago you were saying the Russkies had to employ WW II tanks. You mean that improved weaponry?
20) The bumbling Rutabaga administration has almost singlehandedly realigned the entire Soviet structure in the Cold War as now Kim Jung Un promises to “hold hands” with Pootie Poot.
-Course, with this guy, you always have to watch where you stand when holding hands. “Move a wittle bit to yoah wight. Just a wittle more. A wittle more. . . .”
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
21) CNN wrapped up in drama as Chris Cuomo’s $125m lawsuit reveals that the network lobbied his brother, Nipplepin Venthoarder, to loosen China Virus restrictions for Warner Bros.
22) Jim Turner, the placekicker who won the Super Bowl with Joe Namath’s Jets and didn’t miss a game in his career, died of heart failure at age 82.
23) The Tuckster told Faux News to shove it and rejected their cease-and-desist letter. His Twit series so far drew 169 million (!!!!). And that’s about 168,998,000 more than we drew at our Tampa concert.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
24) The Sunday Times revealed that the China Virus was developed by the military at a Wuhan Lab.
-So much for the ol’ eating bats theory.
25) Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook/Meta (“Meta” means death in Hebrew) said big tech firms were “asked” to censor China Virus information that ended up being true.
-Yep. And you let them do it, ya scumweasel.
AND FINALLY...
26) And finally, imagine the shock when a “dead” Ecuadorian woman knocked on her coffin during her own funeral and “comes back to life.”
-Probably went to the nether world, was told she had to watch endless streams of the new “Star Wars” movies, and said, “Oh, hell to the no.”
AND THAT'S TODAY'S NEWS
- Larry Schweikart
- Rock drummer
- Filmmaker
- NYTimes #1 bestselling author
- Political pundit
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