The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) In the biggest step-on-a-rake moment in the entire history of the hoax Patriot Day/January 6 hearings, a goofball witness claimed that she “heard” that President Trump, in the limousine known as the “Beast,” lunged for the steering wheel and tried to turn the car to get to the rally.
-Now we have sources from the Secret Service itself that say this is crap. But come on. The Beast has bulletproof glass dividing the driver and President. A 74-year-old man broke through bulletproof glass and assaulted two Secret Service agents. Puleeze. This is Juicy Smol-ley level lying.
2) Meanwhile, the Sergeant-at-arms on Patriot Day claimed it was an inside job, but died suddenly. Anyone know where the Clintons were at the time?
3) DemoKKKrats are increasingly worried they may lose the Washington and Colorado senate seats.
4) More on the steal, as footage shows ballot traffickers forging signatures, but AG Mark Brnovich dropped forgery charges. Which is why Byrno will not be Arizona’s senator.
5) Megyn (Ol Blood Eyes) Kelly said Occasional Cortex is a “moron” and a “Kardashian in Congress.”
-Fact check: TRUE.
6) The Mayor of New Kabul (i.e., NYC) Eric The Red Adams admitted to being “shocked at how bad this place is.”
-Geez, Eric, any of us coulda told ya that.
7) Matt Salmon has dropped out of the Arizona governor’s race, leaving it a two-way contest between the leader Kari Lake and Karrin Taylor Robson.
8) A new poll shows DemoKKKrats losing ground with Asians in key senate battleground states.
9) Biteme joked he might not return from Spain as his approvals hit an all-time low.
-Mr. Rutabaga, what can we do to make this happen?
10) The Mexican President said the U.S.-Me-hee-co border is “out of control.”
-That’s sorta like Al Capone saying Chicago was a “little violent.”
11) Endangered DemoKKKrat Rep. Abigail Spanberger said she does not want Biteme campaigning for her. Yeah, duh.
12) Michigan’s Supreme Court drops charges against former Governor Snyder and his health director over Flint’s incredibly tasty water.
13) Speaking of good health in Michigan, a gooey algae known as “rock snot” has infected Michigan waterways.
-I think I just found my newest nickname.
14) Cankles, fuming about the Dobbs decision, said Clarence Thomas has been a person of “resentment, grievance and anger” his whole life.
-Gosh, Cankles, that really does sound like you. Member election night 2016 when you were throwing booze bottles? Good times, huh?
15) Trump-endorsed Kevin Stitt won the GOP nomination for governor in Oklahoma’s primary.
16) Trumper Mike Ezell has won the primary in Mississippi 4.
17) Trump-endorsed Mary Miller has won her 15th District, Illinois, primary.
18) An awesome admission from a leftist lawyer: the path forward is not through the courts. They are admitting they lost. And since they can’t win legit elections, guess they are running out of runway.
19) A Rasmussen poll finds that a majority of Americans support the Dobbs decision.
20) Cook’s political report has moved six more House races toward Rs.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
21) More than 50% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck.
22) Gun manufacturers are fleeing the northeast, complaining about gun laws as they go.
-Psst. All should flee the northeast.
23) Ernst & Young was fined $100 million by the SEC after its auditors cheated . . . on an ethics exam.
-Can’t make this up.
24) Having banned MyPillow, Bed, Bath, and Beyond according to Bank of America has cut air conditioning in its stores to lower expenses.
25) Kollyfornia has extended its eviction ban—already at two years.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
26) Captain Jack Sparrow got revenge on woke Disney, making them pay him 20x what Amber (“don’t poop the bed”) Heard paid out at trial.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
27) Gog and Magog Alert! Israel will soon attempt to lead the way in a Middle Eastern partnership with NATO.
28) Megxit, married to the Ginger Duke, says men need to be “more vocal” with their anger in the wake of the Dobbs decision.
-I’m plenty vocal, honey. You just don’t shut up long enough to hear.
29) And finally, marijuana users are 22% more likely to need emergency room care than non users, says a study.
-It also found they were 65% more likely to need a bag of MegaStuff Oreos than non-users.
And That's Today's News...
Larry Schweikart is the co-author with Michael Allen of the NYTimes #1 bestseller, A Patriot's History of the United States, and is the founder of the history curriculum site, the Wild World of History. Larry can be found at Substack under Larry Schweikart and, for as long as they allow him, at Twitter @WallsOther and on Gettr @OtherWalls and on TruthSocial @CyberneticsLS
Larry's latest book, Dragonslayers: Six Presidents and their War with the Swamp is now available wherever books are sold! You can listen to his interview with Tracy Beanz on Dark to Light HERE