The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) Only 30% in a Rasmussen poll say the country is headed in the right direction.
-Suck on that, Rutabaga
2) Biteme is collapsing so much that the House GOP has expanded its map into districts that were deep blue . . . as I told you would be coming a couple of months ago.
3) Thank God for Governor Ron DeSantis as the Florida legislature announced it will allow him to draw the new redistricting map, meaning the GOP could pick up an additional 2-3 seats.
4) Evil Oberlin College, ordered by courts to pay $33 million in damages to a local bakery the school defamed, said it will not pay.
-Which means liens will be forthcoming, shutting down the infested rat’s nest, and that administrators can be arrested for contempt.
5) Little Red Lyin’ Hood continues to try to foist the blame for inflation on Putin, but nobody buys it, and even if they did intellectually, they still take it out on whoever is in the White House.
6) Outrage is building over a North Carolina medical school student who deliberately injured a patient for mocking its pronoun badge.
7) While New Jersey students as young as 10 could be taught that puberty blockers are an acceptable way to “manage” adolescence and that masturbating a few times a day is healthy, according to sample lesson plans.
-New Jersey will become the new Virginia.
8) Zuckerbucks won’t be around for the next election, having been chased out by laws and watchful conservatives.
9) This study said that you can clean your blood by donating it. Plasma donations can reduce “forever chemicals” (give away your blood pollution.)
-Not me. I’m an unvaxxed pure blood. They are gonna have to pay big time to get this red stuff.
10) The commies have started infiltrating the White House again as they did with FDR and Harry Truman, as disgraced former CIA chief John Brennanskie joins a “secretive firm” staffing the White House.
-Blame Pootie-poot, staff with commies. Good strategy.
11) Colorado grassroots Republicans delivered a significant upset at the state assembly as the establishment panicked.
12) Our own UncoverDC.com reports that in Changizi v. HHS, a first-of-its-kind First Amendment suit has been filed against the feds, arguing that Surgeon General Vivek Murthy wrongfully “directed social media platforms, including Twitter, to censor alleged “misinformation” about the China Virus.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
13) The Rutabaga, desperate to get fuel prices lower, has authorized E-15 gas with a higher ethanol blend than is allowed by the EPA to be sold.
-Won’t work, Rutabaga. This is a policy-wide, nation-wide crisis. Your little bandaids won’t do anything.
14) Speaking of inflation, it rose 1.2% in March the biggest hike since 1981 when Jesus Carter gave us his version of inflation.
15) Black Loonies Matter claimed that the $6 million Kollyfornia mansion it bought was for cultivating “joy.” And Carol, and Ashley, and . . . .
16) Reality sets in as OPEC has told the Euros they cannot replace the Russkie oil losses.
17) File under “why does ANYONE stay in Kollyfornia?” The state lawmakers have proposed a four-day week for companies with more than 500 employees that would require firms to pay overtime to anyone working more than 32 hours a week.
18) The married mother who told a judge she can’t be on a jury for Parkland School shooter Nikolas Cruz because she needs to keep her sugar daddy (not her husband) who gives her $8,000 a month.
-She really needs to stay on top of that situation.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
19) Jacob Dreizen has been monitoring the Uke war with much different sources. His estimates are that so far the Ukes have lost 5,500 killed and 11,000 wounded, while the Russkies have lost about 4,000 killed and 10,000 wounded.
-However, his sources also estimate 15,000 Uke deserters.
20) Biteme has begged Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi not to buy Russkie oil.
-Good luck with that, Rutabaga. No one listens to you.
21) In good animal news, the population of the world’s rarest cat, the Far Eastern Leopard, has tripled.
22) Perhaps the wave of the future as Progressive France has an election with paper ballots, cast in person, in one day, with no machines.
23) A “parking lot” of vessels off the Chicom coast has developed as the new China Virus shutdowns stall shipping.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
24) Songwriter Ed Sheeran said he has started filming all his songwriting sessions to prove he was plagiarising. Er, wait, to prove he is not—repeat, not—plagiarising.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
25) The Rutabaga is seeking to reinstitute a fed vax mandate.
-Good luck, Pervert.
26) From our own UncoverDC.com, a study has shown a higher overall mortality rate with the mRNA vaxxes than adenovirus vaxxes.
27) Is this a harbinger? Three people who worked for a top elected official in Harris County, Texas, have been arrested for steering China Virus contracts into DemoKKKrat coffers.
28) Finally, a real swinger in this swinging session: a woman has attacked a couple with a Samurai sword after they refused to do a threesome.
29) Well, one more as this is too good to pass up: traveling NFL quarterback Cam Newton opined about women who “can’t cook” and “don’t know when to be quiet.”
-Will Smith was heard shouting at him to “keep my wife’s name out of your mothereffing mouth.”
And that's Today's News
Larry Schweikart is the co-author with Michael Allen of the NYTimes #1 bestseller, A Patriot's History of the United States, and is the founder of the history curriculum site, the Wild World of History. Larry can be found at Substack under Larry Schweikart and, for as long as they allow him, at Twitter @WallsOther and on Gettr at @OtherWalls and SOON on TruthSocial!