The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) In the deluded world of President Rutabaga, the DemoKKKrats would “add seats” in 2022.
-And I’m the Grand Emperor of Saturn.
2) Meanwhile, the Demented Pervert gave an utterly incoherent speech on Ukraine, using his Uncle Pedo creepy whisper again.
3) According to the AP, DemoKKKrats, with their “agenda languishing,” have pressed Biteme to “go it alone,” which is to say, not go at all.
4) New polling by a DemoKKKrat polling group has shown the DemoKKKrats are “out of touch” with American voters . . . on every single issue.
5) Conservative leaders have rallied around Senator Rick Scott’s 11-point plan to rescue America. For-now Senate majority leader Yertle deeply annoyed, saying he’ll decide “what to put on the floor.”
-Sorry Yertle, your time is up.
6) Zalensky’s spokeswoman deleted her own Tweet about Kampuchea Harris, saying “It would be a tragedy if this woman won the presidency.”
7) Biteme’s Supreme Court pick faces tough sledding due to her Harvard ties and upcoming affirmative action cases, including Harvard.
-Will she recuse? Will polar bears bicycle to the moon?
8) D.C. Mayor Muriel Bow Wow Bowser tried to sneak $3 million in China Virus funds out to build back “Black Lives Matter” plaza.
-These corruptocrats are beyond description.
9) Georgia Republicans have passed a Constitutional carry gun law that would abolish background checks for permits as embattled Governor Brian Kemp promises to take the bill “across the finish line.”
10) DemoKKKrat congressman Tom Malinowski took thousands from a lobbyist for the Russian Nord Stream 2 pipeline.
11) Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard (Hottie-Hawaii) has exposed Senator Minion Romney on the Ukrainian Biolabs and demanded he “resign from the Senate” immediately.
12) Alabama has become the 22nd member of the Constitutional Carry Club as Governor Kay Ivey has signed the pro-gun legislation.
13) CNN host Fareed Zakaria warned of a “post-American” world after the Gulf Coast states snubbed Biteme.
-No Fareed, it will be a post-DemoKKKrat future.
14) New Calcutta schools (Los Angeles) teachers’ union has ignored science and is still pushing for maskies.
15) Senator Enema of Arizona has admitted there have not been “any active steps” to stem the flow of migrants from the border under the Rutabaga.
16) . . . while the state of Texas on its own funding has restarted the border wall canceled by the Rutabaga.
IN SPACE NEWS
17) The Russian Space Agency announced it may leave the International Space Station (ISS) now, rather than wait for the end of the month, stranding U.S. astronaut Mark Vande Hei.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
18) Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan announced they would exit Russia due to Ukraine invasion.
-Many Americans would celebrate Goldman leaving the U.S.
19) EU leaders, trying to punish Pootie-poot, have failed to agree on a deadline to phase out Russkie energy. Now they are looking at 2027.
-Yeah, dang it, that will teach ‘em.
20) Florida has started preparations for 600,000 spring breakers who will party like it’s 2019.
21) This is not reassuring: A big bank is in trouble and no one knows which one or why. The FDIC showed a $120 billion jump in its assets under its “problem banks list.”
22) Wait, this is MSN? “The Working Class is being asked to Suffer to Punish Putin.”
23) Chinese tech giant Tencent saw its shares plunge on a report of possible money laundering.
24) Amazon has closed a New Beirut (Seattle) office over deadly shootings there.
-Now, why would that be?
25) A second Zero administration economic adviser says Biteme is to blame for inflation.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
26) Leftist television host Bill Mahar anti-wokes it up by asking why the Russians invaded Ukraine when Biteme was president and not Trump.
27) A reporter in New Calcutta, i.e., Los Angeles, was reporting on camera about one of the city’s deadliest intersections . . . when a hit-and-run crash occurred directly behind him.
28) The mayor of New Kabul, i.e., NYC, Eric The Red Adams said it’s time to let women play major league baseball.
-And then, when they can’t cut it, it will be time for rules changes to allow them to compete, maybe forcing all males to wear extra weight bands and making all right-handers throw leftie.
29) Liberal Bill Maher predicts Trump would win re-election easily unless DemoKKKrats change course.
-Impossible. They can’t.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
30) The World (Un)Health Organization recommended that Ukraine destroy “High Threat Pathogens” in the U.S. funded Biolabs . . . which, you know, do not exist.
31) Zalensky has thanked Mark Zuckerberg for helping him win the propaganda war.
32) The shooting of journalist Brent Renaud in Ukraine was likely committed by Ukrainian forces, not the Russkies.
33) Ukrainian and Russkie negotiators have said they have made significant “progress” in ceasefire talks.
34) India announced it is considering buying Russkie oil. Only the Rutabaga could ally India, China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, and Qatar against us.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
35) United Airlines handed the unvaxxed a major victory by announcing it would allow unvaxxed workers to return to work at the end of the month.
36) . . . while the Rutabaga has extended the public transportation maskie mandate.
-They can’t give it up folks. This and “the Russians” are all they have now.
37) Slowly I turned: a health board in Washington state has recommended against requiring China Virus vaxxes for K-12 students.
38) A New York Slimes article admits vaxxes, maskies, and lockdowns didn’t make a whit of difference in the China Virus cases.
39) The Lancet has published a study showing deaths from the China Virus vax were 1.3%, or higher than the death rate from the China Virus itself.
40) Finally, in a scene out of “Perfect Storm,” a young surfer broke the world record by riding a 101-foot wave off Portugal.
-Word is they picked him up somewhere near South Africa.
And that's Today's News
Larry Schweikart is the co-author with Michael Allen of the NYTimes #1 bestseller, A Patriot’s History of the United States, and is the founder of the history curriculum site, the Wild World of History. Larry can be found at Substack under Larry Schweikart and, for as long as they allow him, at Twitter @WallsOther and on Gettr at @OtherWalls and SOON on TruthSocial!