The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) A U.S. Senator, Linda Grahamnesty, finally calls on Biteme to resign.
-Oh wait . . . he called on Vladimir Putin to resign. Oh wait . . .he actually called for Putin's assassination.
2) The Demented Pervert, who “won 81 million votes” had the worst viewing figures for any president in 30 years—7 million fewer than Trump—and this coming in the middle of a European war and fantastically rising inflation.
3) Senator Ron Johnson says Biteme is “dramatically, seriously compromised.”
4) Slowly DemoKKKrats spinning away from the Rutabaga: Senator Bob Menendez, the chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee, said was should stop importing Russkie oil, but it would be up to Biteme to decide if he wants to drill here.
5) While DemoKKKrat senators Shaheen and Warner want oil companies to increase production.
-Good luck with that. You’re taxing them out the wazoo.
6) A liberal warns that the DemoKKKrat dominance of the nonwhite vote continues to slip.
-Gee, couldn’t be that they have been behind high gas prices, rising rents, Communist Racist Theory, and foreign wars?
7) The U.S. Supreme Court has sided with Kentucky’s attorney general Daniel Cameron that he can defend Kentucky’s new pro-life law banning live dismemberment.
-Satanists and child-sacrificers everywhere, deeply disappointed.
8) Florida’s senate has passed a bill banning abortions after 15 weeks, and now heads to the governor’s office for DeSantis’s signature.
9) A now-deceased Trump National Security Council official left evidence of multiple shooters at the Las Vegas terrorist attack in 2017; said Stephen Paddock did not commit suicide; and said there was fascist Antifa and ISIS involvement. The “Assessment of the Attack” said that an Australian man with ties to ISIS was a “person of interest” and that the “level of chatter” among al-Qaeda and ISIS groups was high.
10) Stacy (M1) Abrams was mocked after comparing herself to Zelensky and Ukraine.
-I dunno, I think comparing her to a small nation is pretty accurate.
11) In a major blow against the establishment, Arizona Governor Doug Douchey says he has ruled out a Senate run.
-That’s cuz he would lose. Yertle deeply disappointed.
12) Iowa becomes the 11th state to prohibit men (i.e., transoid women) from competing on female sports teams in a “victory for girls sports.”
-Which, indeed, it is.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
13) A child care worker shortage has created waves in the U.S. economy.
14) Aluminum hits record high; wheat, oil at multi-year highs.
15) But the BLS says we added 630,000 jobs and unemployment fell to 3.9%.
16) Turkey, Egypt, Kenya face “unprecedented hunger crisis” due to the Ukraine war.
17) New information says that Stanford goalkeeper Katie Meyer’s death was “self-inflicted.”
18) The Dow is down 3,300 from its high as the Rutabaga Recession continues.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
19) Melinda Gates said she was upset with Bill Gates’s meetings with Jeffrey (who did not kill himself) Epstein.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
20) NATO wisely said the alliance would not impose a no-fly zone over Ukraine. One tiny step back from war.
21) The ChiCom gubment implemented measures on March 1st that would require gubment approval for all religious content in social media posts, videos, or real-time online religious gatherings.
22) According to MSNBC, “Russia’s chaotic and confusing invasion of Ukraine is baffling military analysts.”
-Translation: our in-studio Thoroughly Modern Milleys, who haven’t seen combat in 20 years, don’t understand why a nation they hate isn’t fighting a war the way they would.
23) Local Ukrainian authorities say the situation at the Zaporizhizia nuclear power plant is “secure.”
-Hollywood deeply disappointed, as there will not be a sequel to the “Chernobyl” series.
24) . . . while Putin says the war effort is going as planned.
25) Biteme is not leading the charge against Russia. Heck, the Rutabaga couldn’t lead a charge against the buffet line.
26) Well, well. Who woulda thought? George Soros helped Zelensky become president through a massive propaganda campaign.
27) Up to 30 dead in suicide bombing on a Shiite mosque in Pok-eee-stan.
28) France now has pushed to accelerate plans for a collective EU army.
29) After Ukrainian soldiers threatened to kill Russian “pigs” who surrendered, Russia has announced that foreign mercenaries fighting in Ukraine will not have POW status.
30) An actual headline from the New York Slimes: “Last Vestige of Russia’s Free Press Fall under Kremlin Pressure.”
-This from the peeps that for a year gave us the “Russia Hoax” and who perpetrate the Patriot Day (January 6) lies.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
31) After two long years, the Senate has voted to end the China Virus emergency, knowing the Rutabaga will veto the bill.
32) Yet the holdout, Kollyfornia, has proposed a whole new slate of China Virus vax laws.
33) . . . while in evil New Zealand, 100% of the China Virus hospitalizations are among the fully vaxxed.
34) New Zealand has ended that nation’s vax mandate as a “gross violation of human rights.”
-Great. Now, where do people go who lost their livelihoods, or suffered irreparable side effects?
35) Finally, KISS’s frontman Gene Simmons said Kanye West needed a “bitchslap” for going after former wife Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Pete Davidson and says Yeezy should “get a hobby.”
-You know, like dressing up in leather with six-inch platform shoes and spitting blood. A good . . . healthy . . . hobby.
And that's Today's News
Larry Schweikart can be found at the Wild World of History and at Substack under Larry Schweikart and, for as long as they allow him, at Twitter @WallsOther and on Gettr at @OtherWalls and SOON on TruthSocial!