The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) A majority (54%) do not think the Rutabaga is mentally fit to serve as president.
2) As proof, the Demented Pervert said Americans should not fear nuclear war with the Russkies.
-I mean, what’s a little radiation here and there?
3) The House maskie mandate has been lifted conveniently just in time for the Demented Pervert’s State of the Union address.
-Seems Botoxic didn’t want the image of a fearful Congress—you know, the same squidpickles from Patriot Day, January 6, who ran from a Viking and the bearded lady—on TV again.
4) One of the Senate’s richest, and most corrupt, members, Richard Blumenthal, has been hit with stock-trade ethics complaints.
5) The White House claims Biteme is “leading” the opposition to Pootie-poot, but “behind the scenes.” You know. Sorta like Jerry Rubin led the opposition to the Viet Cong “behind the scenes.”
6) Manchin-on-a-Hill has joined the Senate GOP to block a bill guaranteeing abortion access, overriding state laws.
7) Lunacy on the left—what’s new?—as the New York Slimes’s Hannah-Jones claims that the coverage of the Uke war is biased toward the Ukes cuz of their “white” appearance.
-Dunno, last time I looked at the Russkies I didn’t see many tans.
8) Kollyfornia descends into utter stupidity as a school has created a “transition closet” to allow students to swap out of clothes their parents had approved of.
-Time to end the experiment with all public schools.
9) Here is the anti-gun fallback since gun laws don’t work: Rep. Marie Newman of Illinois claims without universal gun checks, Illinois laws will only be as good as its neighbors.
10) Researchers have found that vitamin D in a wound fights dangerous surgical site staph infections.
11) So many teens showed up at a home for a birthday party for an 18-year-old that they collapsed the floor.
12) Shocked! Washington Gov. Jay Insleaze compares his fight to punish political speech to . . . wait for it . . . Ukraine’s fight against the Russkies.
13) NASA, always concerned with “science,” has promised to put a woman and a person of color on the moon in 2025.
14) George Soros insists the U.S. must do “whatever possible” to back Ukraine.
Cuz, you know . . . he always wants what’s in America’s best interest.
15) In New Kabul (New York City) a suspect smashed a feces-filled bag into a woman on a subway attack.
-But, you know, it’s the city that never sleeps. Or patrols its subways.
16) File under, “What does she know?” Jilly Biteme, the Senior Skank, introduced Kampuchea Harris as “president” right in front of the Rutabaga.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
17) Mortgage rates have risen to 4.3%. Thanks, Biteme.
18) Toyota has halted all operations in Japan due to a cyberattack.
-I’m sure it was the Russians.
19) A bakery in New Beirut (Seattle) has closed due to “excessive crime.”
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
20) The Israeli “King of Diamonds” sues the “Tinder Swindler” who pretended to be his son in order to con women out of millions.
21) How disastrous were the numbers for the Olympics? Merely the lowest-ever American audience.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
22) Veeta Vita Vindman says Zelensky could bring the end of Pootie-poot.
-If Veeta Vita Vindman says it, we should probably believe the opposite. He is Deep State Globalist to his gills.
23) A Russian tank column has surrounded Kyiv. It would appear, contrary to the propaganda, that someone has attained air superiority.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
24) It goes out with a whimper as Kollyfornia, Oregon, and Washington—the Pacific Coast’s red crescent—end maskie mandates in schools.
25) Finally, a former Ms. Great Britain says she can’t find love. That men “can’t keep it in their pants,” and that dates “ghost” her.
-Maybe take “serial stalker” out of your profile? Just a thought.
And that's Today's News
Larry Schweikart can be found at the Wild World of History and at Substack under Larry Schweikart and, for as long as they allow him, at Twitter @WallsOther and on Gettr at @OtherWalls and SOON on TruthSocial!