The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) A new Civiqs poll has the Rutabaga at just 34% approval.
-In polling lingo, this is known as the level at which one assumes room temperature.
2) Kollyfornians in Shasta County have recalled a weak Board of Supervisors “Republican” and the Mercury News is terrified it will provide a “roadmap” for other races.
3) Jilly Biteme, aka, the Senior Skank, has admitted failure on Build Back Bolshevik.
-Guess she is now the president.
4) It appears SpewMore is getting Biteme’s disease: he said the U.S. Supreme Court was all white until 1981 . . . while Thurgood Marshall was on the court.
5) In “this would be huge in a sane world “news,” Capitol Police “dressed like construction workers” spied on a Congressman and photographed confidential material.
-You know, the “fine people” who shot an unarmed grandmother pleading with a crowd to tone it down. Those “fine people.”
6) Politico must have had an exorcism. For two straight days, they have published truth, including the latest article on why “mainstream” (i.e., far left) journalists refuse to correct errors.
-All well and good except a better question is why did they make the errors in the first place, and the answer is left-wing bias, left-wing bias, and left-wing bias.
7) Progress in the Kansas congressional map. Folks, these are slogs. Each state must be fought out. We won’t win New York or Illinois so chip, chip, chip away in the Red States.
8) As noted yesterday, L.A. County, which planned to fire 4,000 sheriff deputies for being unvaxxed, did so.
9) The Hunter Biteme emails reveal the Rutabaga’s son backed a $120 million global oil plot.
10) Biteme breaks his campaign promise to buy American, now his backers are rushing for the exits.
11) The Alabama state senate committee approved constitutional carry for a senate vote.
12) The Rutabaga is standing by the CDC’s maskie mandates even as DemoKKKrat governors revolt and abandon them.
13) Botoxic has caved, and moves to ban insider trading in Congress, despite Mr. Botoxic raking in millions from the practice.
14) Britain’s “artificial sun” nuclear fusion reactor has set a new world record after releasing 59 megajoules of energy for five seconds—the equivalent of a housewife finding out she was cheated on.
15) File under “This should be interesting”: homelessness has grown so bad in New Mogadishu, i.e., San Francisco, that residents are being asked to house homeless people in their homes.
-Some residents complain they already had smelly vagrants who were alcohol and drug abusers living with them, better known as teenagers.
16) Stacy Abrams, caught maskless in multiple photos of her with grade school kids, has now apologized.
-But she still wants to eat the kids. All of them.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
17) The U.S. trade deficit exploded in 2021, growing by 27% as the surplus in services tanks.
18) Tesla has made its third recall in three weeks, this time 27,000 e-cars.
19) As interest rates rise, mortgage purchase applications fall by 12% since last year.
20) The Texas Attorney General has sued fitness influencer Brittany Dawn for advising clients with anorexia to lose even more weight through her low-calorie diets.
-Maybe using Ethiopian models in her ads went a bit too far?
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
21) It appears that the ChiComs dissed Pootie-poot on his visit.
-The CEO of Coke got more love.
22) Saskatchewan has joined Alberta, Canada, in ending all China Virus mandates. Justa Turd-o holds firm in insisting on controls.
23) Evil Ottawa police chief takes credit for canceling the truckers’ GoFundMe account.
24) Nevertheless, it appears the end is in sight for Turd-o, as a Liberal MP for a suburb of Quebec City came out today and blasted Le Turdeaux for “absurd labels” smearing truck drivers.
25) While a Canadian hockey star says the truckers’ protest is the “biggest event” in over a century in Canada.
26) In England, the China Virus restrictions are pushing Boris Johnson’s government toward collapse: billionaire Tory donor John Armitage says he will no longer support conservatives as long as the BJ is in power.
27) Also in England, a senior executive at a 300,000-lb. sterling a year job is set to win a huge age discrimination payout after he was called an “old fossil” by a boss three years younger than him.
-Does that make the boss a “young fossil?”
28) Former White House staffer and all-around loser Veeta Vita Vindman has criticized the Rutabaga for doing “too little, too late” to stop a Russkie invasion of Ukraine (which, by the way, as of Today’s News, still hasn’t occurred.)
-Veeta Vita is still angry after he was fired from I Love Lucy.
29) File under “ooops!” ISIS has started its CEO selection process with one of the men declared killed in an airstrike by Biteme’s crack air strike team last week.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
30) Washington Redskins, er Washington Foreskins, er, Washington “Commanders” player Deshazor Everett charged with involuntary manslaughter.
31) What is with the interracial TV commercials that skew American demographics? If you were an alien and saw one of these you’d think that the U.S. was 75% black and 99% female.
32) Ruh roh. Joe Rogan claims he’s a victim and victim of a “political hit job.”
-First, Joe, you never apologize, and second, ya never go Full Victim.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
33) Alberta now ends the vax passport system. Justa Turd-o gonna be out there on that limb by himself.
34) We’re winning, but they still have pockets of resistance: a Maine doctor has been ordered to undergo a psych evaluation for prescribing Ivermectin and Hydroxychloroquine.
-These vaxiopaths are the real psychotics.
35) They are cracking everywhere: a Virginia DemoKKKrat says forced masking in schools violates the First Amendment.
-Indeed it does. Now switch parties.
36) Finally, a new study says that people who drink up to three cups of coffee each day are likely to live longer.
-Dang, some of us are gonna be absolutely immortal!