The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) Biteme blabbers complete gibberish for 11 seconds.
-Remember, they can’t get rid of him till they find a way to remove Kampuchea Harris. Could be a while.
2) Uniparty gonna uniparty: Manchin-on-a-Hill and MurCowSki cross party lines to endorse each other.
-Shocked! Shocked, I tell ya! (And some of you thought Manchin-on-a-Hill was on “our” side.
3) Senator John Barrasso says that “it’s not the Congress that elects the President, it is the American people.”
-He’s wrong on both counts. We are not a democracy and do not have a president elected by popular vote, and Congress’s only role is to accept or reject the slate of electors presented by the states. So very technically, the electors elect the president and Congress ratifies their decision.
4) Trump hater and one-time so-called “presidential candidate” Michael Avenatti found guilty of stealing from porn star Stormy Daniels (who, as you may recall, was going to “bring down Drumpf!”)
-Justice continues to grind slowly on these people.
5) GoFundMe retreats: after trying to steal millions from donors to the Canadian truckers, under threat of multiple lawsuits, GoFundMe agreed to refund every individual donation.
6) Even in deep blue Minnesota, change is afoot as Governor Tim Walz is at only 45% favorable.
7) Steve Bannon, in the United States v. Stephen K Bannon has issued a motion to compel discovery saying the gubment cannot avoid its discovery obligations by taking a “narrow view of what information may be helpful to the defense” and that the gubment “selectively included some, but not all, grand jury materials, that the gubment spied on Bannon’s attorney, and that the gubment failed to instruct the grand jury on applicable law. Moreover, Bannon requests information on the Congressional Patriot Day committee itself, including all documents in the hands of the Select Committee!
-If Bannon gets half of this, Botoxic and her evil goblins are in deep crap.
8) Another useless so-called teacher in Kollyfornia assailed a student who wore a “Blue Lives Matter” mask calling it “the new Confederate flag.”
9) Finally! A Tennessee BLM founder was sentenced to six years in prison for illegally voting.
-One down, about 18 million Biteme voters to go.
10) Speaking of diddling in American elections, did you know there was foreign influence in the 2016 election? A new lawsuit filed by Trump associate Felix Sater claims foreign powers (Russia and Kazakhstan intervened to help Cankles.
11) Stacy (M1) Abrams, in a face-plant photo of titanic proportions, was pictured maskless in front of a crowd of masked students.
-The real problem is she wanted to eat them. All of them.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
12) The Bureau of Labor Services' latest revisions show that every job report in 2021 was “total garbage.”
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
13) Boris Johnson’s government was rocked by the resignation of five aides. He responded by saying “change is good.”
14) The Ottawa mayor admits the truckers are “calling the shots.” He declared a state of emergency and threatened to arrest anyone bringing gas to refuel the trucks.
-Er, mayor, these rigs run on diesel fuel, not gas, but hang in there, eh?
15) The Ottawa police know they are on such thin ice—no pun intended—they have hired an elite crisis-management team to handle their protest messaging.
-Won’t work. Freedom will always ultimately trump tyranny.
16) Having been de-platformed by GoFundMe, the truckers have a new source in GiveSendGo, which has already raised $2 million. ($4.5 million as of this publication)
17) Warning of “takeover,” the ChiComs have struck new deals with Latin American countries and the Caribbean.
-But, you know, the real threat is “white supremacists.”
18) The missing Chinese tennis star Peng Shuai surfaced, denying ever making an accusation of sexual assault. Seems like the ChiCom government helped her get her mind right.
19) Meanwhile, a ten-year-old girl in Russia survived -11 degrees temperature after getting lost in a snowstorm as she walked home from school. She was found cuddling a stray dog for warmth.
20) Leaked video shows the moment a $100 million U.S. F-35 aircraft crash-landed on the aircraft carrier Carl Vinson . . . and the Pentagon has launched an investigation. Not into the crash, but how the video got out.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
21) Comedian Heather McDonald collapses on stage in a no-joke moment when she said “I’m vaxxed, double vaxxed, boosted . . . and the flu shot . . . .” when she collapsed on stage and was hustled off to a hospital.
22) Amazon spent a whopping $13 billion on movie and music content in 2021.
23) The ChiCom Red Olympics ain’t going so well. Viewership falls hard from 2018, down 69%, an all-time low.
24) California-born figure skater Beverly Zu was slammed on ChiCom social media after finishing last after giving up her U.S. citizenship to compete for the ChiComs.
-I guess what goes around to Beijing, comes around to Beijing.
25) Body-language expert Judi James instructs people on how to be irresistible. Tilt your head and show off your thumbs.
-Hey, I just report the news, I don’t make it.
26) The ChiComs had to back down from a demand that the movie “Fight Club” change its ending to appear in China. Now the original ending is restored.
27) New Orleans Saints star running-back, Alvin Kamara was arrested hours after the Pro Bowl for “battery” at a Las Vegas nightclub and was held on bail.
-Looks like what happened in Vegas is indeed going to stay in Vegas til bail is met.
28) Who says we can’t make quality movies anymore? “Jackass Forever” has a $23.5 million opening.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
29) A big win for an organ donor recipient as Vanderbilt hospital reversed its decision to allow a non-vaxxed recipient back on the list.
30) Big win in Illinois, as the court finds the emergency rules are “deemed null and void” and defendants (state of Illinois and Porky Pritzker) are banned from enforcement of said rules.
31) Fired Syneos health care employees say the company completely ignored the Tennessee vax law.
32) A brilliant strategy against maskie mandates in Ohio was conceived by a citizen who was not a parent. However, he found that school board members must be covered by “surety” bonds and that too many claims against “willfully and flagrantly” exercising power not authorized by law can lead to the bonds being revoked. He then proceeded to hand out the claim forms to every parent in the room. The school district announced it was withdrawing the maskie mandate.
33) Meanwhile, the Austrians are doing their best goose-stepping impression, ordering mandatory vaxxes for all adults.
34) An Oakdale, Kollyfornia school district made maskless students sit in a gym, whose doors were locked. Then the school administrators turned off the heat. Police were called, and they turned on the heat.
35) . . . while the San Ramon Valley Unified School District in Kollyfornia was ordered to stop masking children and that these decisions constituted criminal actions. This man knows his law.
36) It appears Kollyfornia authorities are in full revolt against the “open up” trends sweeping the nation as a school district outside of Stockton has labeled the presence of an unmasked child a “clear and present danger” and threatened to contact Child Protective Services without even contacting the parent first if an unmasked child appears.
37) Israeli researchers found that vaxxes don’t prevent serious China Virus bouts, but vitamin D does.
38) The U.S. Army has begun discharging unvaxxed soldiers and continues to deny religious exemptions.
39) An Israeli hospital director says 80% of the serious China Virus cases received at least three vaxxes.
40) Finally, a Virginia woman admitted bringing a man to McDonald’s for a last meal before executing and dismembering him.
-That’s cold. I mean, McDonald’s?